There are a variety of factors that cause sibling estrangement. Some such factors include parental favoritism, lack of conflict management strategies, mental health issues, a sense of betrayal, and inheritance issues, just to name a few. But differences in political beliefs can also have a hand in driving people apart. Here, we’ll explore how conspiracy thinking traits can cause siblings, and families, to experience division, and what to do about it.
A recent scientific article published by the American Psychological Association last year (Bowes, Costello, and Tasimi, 2023, Psychological Bulletin, see below) showed how a meta-analysis of 170 studies with over 158 000 participants was able to demonstrate the presence of motivations and particular personality traits in conspiracy theorists.
What traits, you may ask? Traits such as high antagonism and paranoia were especially present towards those that believe more in conspiracy theories. Other traits include insecurity, impulsivity, distrustfulness, manipulativeness and egocentrism as common to those who partake in such theories. What’s more, there is an overall need to feel a sense of safety and understanding, in such a way as to feel as though their community of believers is superior to that of others.
So we can start to see exactly how this mindset can be in contrast with us, when we experience sibling estrangement. And how easy it is for our siblings to jump to conclusions about us. They rely strongly on their intuitions, can become antagonized quickly, and feel as though they are superior to others, who they often call “sheep”, who don’t buy into their conspiracy theories, rather than verifying their perceptions with us.
Paradoxically, the study has shown that they have a strong need for community and belonging. And this may be a hint as to how to handle their volatility when choosing to interact with them.
Perhaps relying on past moments of belonging, if any, or similar memories from the past can be ways in which to interact with them, as a means of fostering that sense of belonging, albeit far and distant for some of us. Because their level of insecurity makes them susceptible, they are quick to anger and in drawing false conclusions. An approach to have with them can involve the idea of talking to them about their subjects of interest, outside of their conspiracy theories. And also recognizing the need to abandon reciprocity, as they are likely to scorekeep more than us. If there is any relationship to be had, there’s going to be the need to make concessions, and recognize their insecurity as the driving force behind their ability to relate to us. Being able to accept certain quirks may be necessary for the sake of peace.
Of course, if the relationship is just too volatile, then it’s better to maintain our boundaries, for the sake of our physical, emotional and social safety and security. You’re the best person suited to determine that.
We also need to recognize that the need for control and the need for a sense of closure does not figure highly as key motivations for conspiracy theorists, according to the article. This can mean that they may not mind that things remain incomplete in relationships with us. Even though this can play on our minds. They may likely withdraw or belittle us more than attempt to convert us to their way of thinking.
Interestingly, the traits of introversion/extraversion, openness, conscientiousness, agreeableness and neuroticism played a smaller role than previously thought in the belief in conspiracy theories. Although it doesn’t mean they can’t tilt the balance to some degree in favor of buying into them.
So there you have it. Recognizing how conspiracy theorists think can be an insightful way in understanding how to interact with them. And it can be empowering for us to know what elements to consider should we choose to go down that road of interacting with a sibling who believes in such ideas. Just remember, they are likely to care less about closure than we do, so navigating incompleteness with them may be an inevitable outcome we may still have to deal with.
References:
“The Conspiratorial Mind: A Meta-Analytic Review of Motivational and Personological Correlates” (American Psychological Association, 2023, Psychological Bulletin). https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000392
Ali-John Chaudhary is a Registered Psychotherapist with offices in Ontario and Quebec. He helps clients from different parts of the world going through sibling estrangement issues, and produces YouTube videos on the same subject, with Author Fern Schumer Chapman. He also hosts a twice-monthly online support group and an intensive workshop both on Zoom (see groups) for those looking to empower themselves with this rarely discussed subject.
Sibling Estrangement 