This is a term that’s often used in substance abuse. It can have to do with the idea of recalling a great, positive feeling (ie, drug use), but seemingly forgetting the negative life consequences that come with it (ie, after using drugs). As with co-dependency, this term has evolved to include interpersonal dynamics. I also use the term “fake nostalgia” to denote euphoric recall. Interestingly, this is also a feeling that we can have when we’re in the midst of thinking of our sibling relationship.
That draw that we can all invariably have towards the idea that we can affect the outcome in a different way. That, somehow, this time, it’s going to be different. And, most of the time, it isn’t. The same dynamic plays itself out, and we get the sense that we got conned yet again, or that the scab that healed got cut wide open all over again. It’s important, in moments like this, not to kick ourselves. After all, we can all hope. But yet, it’s this very drive that causes us to think that somehow, the euphoria we can feel can somehow manifest. That it’s not all in our heads. While I’m not a particular fan of the saying “the past is the best predictor of the future”, I think in this context, it applies very well. We need to be realistic about certain situations, and ask ourselves in a brutally honest fashion, whether a situation will be different or not. And what makes us think that? This is where we need to step back from invasive feelings that can sprout within us like weeds.
It becomes increasingly important to ask our rational selves what it is that we should do when we are faced with such feelings. Do we give in, and hope for a different outcome, or do we stick to our healthy actions that are there for a reason? As we’ve spoken in one of my videos, it becomes important to ask yourselves what brought the relationship to be the way it is. Was it certain dysfunctional behaviors? Certain things said that were demeaning? Certain things not done (ie, promoting safety, and a broad sense of family, for example). It becomes important to connect to these past realities. And much like a diet, we need to remind ourselves just what got us in that predicament, and what we need to do to get a different outcome. Now, it’s ok to reevaluate our gestures, every now and then. Are certain things we do working or not working for us? That’s a very normal process to go through. But it’s quite another to throw up in the air everything you’ve worked hard to achieve. So think back to why things are the way they are, feel those negative feelings arise, and tap yourself on the shoulder for avoiding yet another trap with regards to temptation.