The Black Sheep and Sibling Estrangement

You’ve seen it before. A game you’re all too familiar with. Your sibling playing their twisted fun within the family. You being talked down to, manipulated, given the silent treatment, or worse. It happens in so many different ways, yet the feeling is all too familiar. You recognize it all too well. Maybe you called it out in some shape or form. Maybe you asked your parents to step in. Maybe you told your sibling to stop. And in another case, maybe you bottled it up inside, protecting yourself. Whatever it is you did, you recognized this unhealthy game. And being a black sheep means you don’t stand for lies and fabrications. Authenticity is one of your most important attributes. Your vision remains crystal clear. And you won’t be dissuaded from the way you understand things. Sure, your sibling may downplay, minimize, seed doubt, and maybe even triangulate with your parents against you. But in the end, sooner or later, you win out. Not because you beat them at their own game, through some sort of elaborate power play. But rather, precisely because you stopped playing the game.

I often say to people that being a black sheep is like wearing a badge of honor. It takes courage to call things out. It takes courage to stand up, and recognize that you are much more than what your sibling thinks of you. If you’ve heard their painful words time and time again, it’s sometimes hard to see yourself differently. You may have internalized a message that’s not yours. And it can take time to disassociate yourself from that. But it can be done, nonetheless. When becoming a healthy adult, you realize just what is at your disposal. You gain power over yourself. Your vision gets clearer. You get to decide whatever it is you do with your body, what you stand for, or against. That means, you’re not trapped if your sibling decides to play their games. You’re free to decide what is right or just not for you. When we get to that point, it can feel very liberating to no longer be tied down to how one defines us. Truth is more important than facades. And living the life you want takes precedence over that of enduring falsehoods and dysfunctional behaviors perpetuated by your sibling. So hats off to you, fellow Black Sheep, and towards becoming the person you want and know yourself to truly be!