The Influence of Politics on Sibling Estrangement

One day following the election, some of the participants and I in our online support group discussed the impact of this choice. While we were careful to avoid going into specifics of one camp over the next, the commonalities that came out with sibling estrangement were staggering. We were all able to hold each other’s vulnerabilities, and I’m still thankful that we were able to navigate this difficult subject in a humane and respectful manner. Here is a bird’s eye view of some of the themes that we talked about.

First, came the feelings of abandonment that were evoked. The sense that this great divide, much like within families, can draw people apart. How we so strongly wish that our sibling-s or family would understand our perspective, and acknowledge it. Simply making room for us in such a way as to be felt as though we’re being seen and heard.

Second, we talked about the feeling of betrayal. How can it be that one side would treat us in this way, and think to make choices that are at odds with our own strongly held beliefs? Family is supposed to be a haven of safety and comfort. And when we don’t have that, it can be divisive, detrimental, hurtful and unsafe. Much like with relations also occurring within our lives with the great political divide.   

Third, we talked about being isolated. As though we are made to be less than, or that we are somehow unimportant. This is a difficult feeling, because it can create a sense of trying to navigate that which is beyond our control, and feel as though a dominant narrative is taking over, which is based on something that we feel is false or that we are starkly against. It can be disheartening to know that our voices are not being heard within a family. Or worse, that we are somehow made to be excommunicated and alienated because of our simple point of view.

These were all perplexing themes that came up, that we collectively identified with as per our own sibling estrangement experience. We were then left with the existential question of “how should I live my life now that this has happened?” As much as in politics as with sibling estrangement, there are many varied answers to this question. All of us, according to our circumstances, get to define this question on our own terms, in our own way. 

Knowing that political and societal changes are on the horizon, I invited each person to focus on how they choose to conduct themselves in the world. While it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the world’s evolution on a macrocosmic scale, it’s easier for us to continue to exercise our influence on a microcosmic level, within our own lives. Lastly, I mentioned how important it is to continue to live by the values that matter the most to us. To continue to express this, and continue to seek connections with those that humanize us, and that in return, we can humanize as well. 

Politics can be a divisive subject. As much within society as with our siblings or family. So long as we don’t lose what matters most within ourselves, can we continue to be the best versions of who we are. I’m hopeful with what we talked about in our support group, and with what we can create on a grander scale if we continue to do this.  

Ali-John Chaudhary is a Registered Psychotherapist with offices in Ontario and Quebec. He helps clients from different parts of the world going through sibling estrangement issues, and produces YouTube videos on the same subject, with Author Fern Schumer Chapman. He also hosts a twice-monthly online support group and an intensive workshop both on Zoom (see groups) for those looking to empower themselves with this rarely discussed subject.